


Roses Are Red and it's Really Annoying

by ThayerKerbasy



Series: Something In Between [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Afterlife, Aromantic Meg Masters, F/F, Minor Crowley/Balthazar, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:48:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22792000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThayerKerbasy/pseuds/ThayerKerbasy
Summary: It's Valentine's Day at the Sleepy Hollow Motel, which really isn't Meg's thing, but it's Tirzah's first Valentine's Day.
Relationships: Meg Masters/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Something In Between [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1190296
Comments: 9
Kudos: 7
Collections: SPNColdestHits





	Roses Are Red and it's Really Annoying

The clothes Meg pulled out of her drawer were her first clue that something strange was going on — at least, more strange than usual in her odd little bubble of an afterlife. In retrospect, her first hint probably should have been waking up to some 80s power ballad on the radio, but the music on her alarm was forever changing, so hearing something new didn’t seem all that unusual. The acid washed jeans and sparkly pink sequin-spangled heart t-shirt in her drawer, though…those raised suspicions. It wasn’t exactly her old style — Meg would never have been caught dead in pink sequins — but it was the closest she’d gotten since her first day at the Sleepy Hollow Motel, when she’d arrived wearing the clothes she died in. Every day since then had been an endless parade of humanity’s worst fashion sins.

A quick peek in her closet revealed the frilliest pink confection of a dress she’d ever seen. As there was nothing else to choose from in the drawer, Meg marched right past her suspicions and took the day’s clothing. She could live with waiting for the other shoe to drop all day as long as she never had to wear that dress.

After a quick shower — during which the water pressure miraculously stayed constant and she never once lost the warm water — she pulled on her not-completely-terrible clothes, slipped into the glittery red sneakers by the door, and put her motel room key in her left jeans pocket. It was the same morning routine as always, but she’d had reason to switch up the rest of her day recently. Going to see Tirzah was better than the coffee in the lobby could ever hope to be.

Meg stepped out her front door and was blindsided by unexpected colour. Everywhere she looked, the motel was covered in decorations. Tied to the pool ladder, heart-shaped red balloons bobbed in a non-existent breeze. Lacy white paper doilies sporting little pink hearts in the middle were stuck to each of the doors, and every building was festooned with pink and red paper streamers twisted together. Across the lot, Crowley stood in front of Balthazar’s door, all dolled up in a red suit. It was enough to make a girl nauseous.

Taking a deep breath, Meg did her best to ignore the festive crap long enough to walk a few doors over to Tirzah’s room. The frilly white paper thing on Tirzah’s door had a candy heart sticker in the middle which read, “2 HOT 4 U” which was just rude. Meg had to assume it was a special message to her from the desk clerk.

Scowling at the sticker with the full force of her irritation, Meg knocked on the door. Tirzah didn’t care who barged in, but Meg had convinced her to keep her door locked just in case. In case of what, Meg wasn’t sure, but after several lifetimes of having her trust betrayed, she felt better knowing someone would have to work hard to mess with Tirzah.

Tirzah opened the door wearing a dress that was every bit as frilly as the one Meg had left in her closet, except the one Tirzah wore was red. “Hello, not-Meg. What should I call you today?”

Meg was beginning to regret asking for a new name from someone who only knew a handful of people. “Yeah, there’s way too much going on for that today. Let’s stick with Meg.” 

“Of course, Meg,” replied Tirzah, smoothly incorporating the change in her weird angel programming. “What would you like to drink?”

“After looking outside I could sure as hell use a whiskey, but something tells me you don’t have any more of that than you had yesterday.”

Tilting her head to one side, Tirzah’s expression didn’t change. “I fail to see how the view outside of our rooms has anything to do with your beverage preference, but no, I have no whiskey. I do, however, have champagne.”

“What?!”

“I said—”

“I heard what you said, but where’d you get champagne?”

“It was in the refrigerator when the sun reappeared, exactly the same as every other beverage I have been provided,” said Tirzah, retrieving the bottle as she spoke.

Normally Meg wouldn’t look a gift bottle in the mouth, but champagne combined with the festive atmosphere outside and the changes to her morning routine added up to make something more. “Tirzah, why is it Valentine’s Day?”

“Presumably because one of your neighbours wished it to be so.” Taking her lack of argument as assent, Tirzah held the bottle over the sink to pop the cork, poured champagne into a paper cup and offered it to Meg. “What is Valentine’s Day and why do you seem so opposed to it?”

Meg accepted the paper cup, smirking at the thought of Crowley and Balthazar, who would probably consider champagne in a paper cup a grievous crime. “Valentine’s Day is a holiday for stupid baby people to do lovey dovey things.”

Tirzah’s flawless brow furrowed. “What sort of ‘lovey dovey’ things?”

“Romantic crap, like holding hands and going on a date to stare soulfully into each other’s eyes while forgetting you ordered food.” Meg rolled her eyes. “You’re supposed to give your chosen person a gift — candy or chocolate or goddamn flowers — like that means shit when the calendar tells you to do it. And supposedly if you do everything right, you might get laid. I prefer to cut right to the chase and go directly to the horizontal mambo.”

Tirzah got a faraway look as she processed Meg’s words, making eye contact when she was ready to speak. “The reason for your objection is artificial impediments to sexual intercourse?”

“I object to someone telling me that holding hands and making small talk is worth my time, even when time is all I’ve got.” Meg took a sip of her motel champagne. With the usual quality provided by her afterlife motel, she expected alcoholic club soda, but instead found something sweet and dry and altogether not half bad.

“I see,” replied Tirzah, clearly still thinking. “And the time you spend with me every morning, outside of our more physical exertions. Is that a waste of time?”

“No. You’re actually kinda interesting to talk with, and not once have you tried to get snuggly. You’re the best part of this craphole.”

“I also look forward to your visits. As I’m not a waste of your time, would you rather continue to converse or relocate to the bed for, as you put it, ‘horizontal mambo’.”

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but let’s hold off on the boinking for now. I kinda wanna see how Gadreel’s dealing with all this.” Meg smiled and patted Tirzah’s shoulder. “Hold that thought, though.”

She tossed back the rest of her champagne. The bubbles tickled her insides in a way that led her to privately admit that it might be the only good thing about Valentine’s Day. Bearing in mind everything she’d learned about her afterlife, she spared a moment to concentrate really hard on champagne being a good thing that should stay in Tirzah’s room for later.

There was no sign of Crowley in his schmancy red suit when they left, which was for the best as far as Meg was concerned. Hopefully he and his chosen asshat were holed up in their rooms for the duration of the holiday.

Tirzah closed and locked the door behind her, then set off in the direction of the motel’s main office, her strappy red shoes clacking against the pavement. For a moment, Meg forgot to go with her. She was too busy admiring Tirzah’s perfect shapely calves, imagining them wrapped around— 

“Do you plan to accompany me or have you decided to remain here?” Tirzah interrupted Meg’s thoughts.

Meg shrugged. “Just admiring the view.”

As Tirzah waited for Meg to catch up, the smallest hint of a smile curved her luscious lips. “Yes, it is a rather picturesque day.”

“That’s not exactly what I meant, but I guess you’re not wrong.”

Rather than continue to discuss the weather, as Meg expected, Tirzah asked, “So if you don’t enjoy the traditional romantic aspect of Valentine’s Day, what is it about the holiday you _do_ enjoy?”

Meg nearly stopped in her tracks. Nobody had ever bothered to ask her that. “You mean besides the fact that every lonely heart is lining up to get laid? I guess the food’s pretty great. Not all those crappy chocolates you’re supposed to give as gifts, but every restaurant has a pretty kickass dish on the menu geared towards the lovebirds.” Thinking back to the champagne, she added, “No complaints about the booze either. That’s the good shit. Oh, and you can actually get some fun kinky stuff in the stores, for Valentine’s Day.”

Tirzah nodded as if that was all confirmation of what she’d already suspected. “But you don’t enjoy the Valentine’s Day aesthetic or the expectations inherent in the day.”

“Exactly.”

“I understand. An excess of pink and red decorations appears garish.”

Though they’d reached the door to the motel lobby, Meg stopped. “Tirzah, where’ve you been all my life?”

Tirzah tilted her head in that endearing way she had, silently asking a question. “I had not yet been created. The master of this realm only gave me the spark of life a short time ago.”

Meg shook her head, grinning. “You don’t say. And here I thought you’d been secretly living here all this time.”

“You thought wrong. I’m certain I explained this when we first met.”

“You did, dummy. I’m just messing with you.”

“I see.” Tirzah thought about that for a moment before smiling again. “You were employing sarcasm.”

Without intending to, Meg returned Tirzah’s smile. “I’m still holding out hope you’ll get there.”

Leaving Tirzah with that thought, Meg shoved the door open and entered the lobby. What she saw nearly made her puke champagne. What used to be orange, brown, and white 70s bowling alley chic had been changed entirely to fit the day’s red, white, and pink colour scheme. The curtains were red with a polka dot pattern of tiny white hearts, the previously orange vinyl chairs had been replaced with sturdy velvet-upholstered wood chairs with hearts cut out of the backs, and the terrible bowling alley flooring had changed to pink shag carpet. Even the spider plants were gone, hanging baskets of roses in their place.

Everywhere she looked, Meg was smacked in the face with something worse. Desperate for something normal in a sea of insipid, her eyes found Gadreel. Even he wasn’t immune, wearing red jeans and a t-shirt with a picture of a fat little winged baby cupid, but he was in his usual spot, drinking his usual crappy coffee, reading his usual ancient newspaper.

As they crossed the room to Gadreel, Tirzah said, “I am unfamiliar with the usual scale for this holiday, but this seems a bit excessive.”

“You think?” Meg shook her head. “I dunno, there isn’t an actual cupid flying around, so maybe it’s only the second most fucked up thing they’ve done here.”

Tirzah nodded sagely. “You may be correct.”

Gadreel still hadn’t said anything, even though they had come to a stop immediately in front of him, which made Meg even more determined to pester him. “What’s your take on all this, Gaddy boy? What do you think of Valentine’s Day?”

He didn’t even look up from his newspaper. “As I was unacquainted with the concept to begin with, I had no existing expectations. Thus far, the holiday seems like any other, albeit with a limited colour palette.”

“Wait a sec. You don’t know anything about Valentine’s Day either? What kinda rock have you been hiding under?”

“I spent the majority of my life in Heaven. I lived among humanity for less than one year before my demise, which is not a great deal of time in which to learn the intricacies of their many rituals. If the image on my clothing is in some way related, I must assume it has something to do with the worship of cupids?”

“If so, that’d explain why I hate it so much.”

Gadreel looked up from his paper at that. “I know you are a demon, and hate is as natural to you as breathing to a human, but why direct your hatred at something as innocuous as a holiday? No one is forcing you to participate.”

Somehow, harassing Gadreel had gone horribly wrong. Time to regroup. “Cupids are bullshit. Ever think about it? Who thought it’d be okay to force two people to fall in love? If God’s all about free will, cupids kinda fuck with that.”

Frowning, Gadreel set his paper aside. “I had not considered that. Vulgarities aside—”

“Your face is a vulgarity,” interrupted Tirzah, her tone and expression remaining perfectly level.

It was so unexpected, Meg couldn’t help but laugh while Gadreel frowned in confusion and said, “My face is a perfect replica of my most recent host. He was far from perfect, but I sensed nothing vulgar in him, and I saw all that there was to know in his heart.”

Seeing the opportunity in Gadreel’s confusion, Meg offered an exaggerated shrug before turning and walking away with Tirzah, steering them in the direction of the coffee station. “Not that I don’t appreciate the sick burn, but what brought that on?”

“Was our purpose here not to provoke an atypical response from Gadreel?” Tirzah came to a stop when she reached the coffee and offered her usual inquiry via head tilt. “I thought that would be best accomplished through the medium of a crude insult.”

“A, you were obviously right, and B, I am so fucking proud of you.” Compliment delivered, the other change in the room finally registered in Meg’s overstimulated brain. “C, where the hell is the coffee?”

In place of the usual industrial coffee maker stood a fancy schmancy latte-slash-espresso machine, complete with motel-branded mugs lined up beside it. To the right of those were trays of red, white, and pink baked goods. It nearly gave Meg a cavity just looking at them.

“The coffee appears to have been upgraded,” replied Tirzah.

“Debatable. Also, what’s the deal with these?” Meg picked up a cupcake frosted with fluffy white buttercream frosting and topped with half a maraschino cherry.

Tirzah leaned in close and examined the cupcake. “A vanilla cupcake with what appears to be diced pieces of cherry inside. It is decorated to bear a crude resemblance to a caucasian human breast with nipple.”

Again, Meg smiled despite herself. “You used to be so good and now your mind has taken up permanent residence in the gutter. Tirzah, you’ve gone beyond your programming in the worst ways. I’m proud of you. Your creator must be so pissed.”

They both looked over at the front desk where the clerk was writing with a large red feather. He didn’t seem to be paying attention to anything but his writing, but that had never stopped him from knowing everything that happened in his domain.

“I have an idea.” Tirzah picked up the entire tray of nipplecakes. “Let’s go find Crowley and Balthazar and throw cupcakes at them.”

“Seriously,” Meg replied, “so fucking proud. This is going to be the best Valentine’s Day ever.”

At that, Tirzah smiled. “Oh good! I wanted you to enjoy today, despite it being a holiday with which you had negative associations.”

“You mean, you were trying to take the touchy feely crap out of Valentine’s Day? For me?” It was easily one of the nicest things anyone had ever done for her.

Tirzah made an already great day so very much better with her deadpan response. “No, I had planned to both touch and feel you later. That was an integral part of my day plan.”

“On second thought,” replied Meg, mentally tossing away her daily routine, “I doubt the dumbass duo will be leaving their rooms anytime soon. Why don’t we leave the nipplecakes here and come back for them later. I think I want to see exactly what you’ve got planned.”

Tirzah brightened. “Oh good! The holiday provided me with some intriguing satin and lace undergarments and I’ve been waiting to see what you think of them.”

Taking the tray of cupcakes from Tirzah, Meg set them back on the snack table before guiding Tirzah to the door with a hand on her back. “Why didn’t you lead with that? We’ve wasted so much time!”

Apparently Valentine’s Day wasn’t so bad after all, as long as you were in good company.

*

Gadreel pretended he couldn’t hear everything the happy couple said before they left, not that they gave him a second glance anyway. He had never understood the human need to mash bodies together, but if it made the demon leave him alone for awhile, he would gladly celebrate cupids day.

After double checking to be certain they were gone, Gadreel gathered up his newspaper and cup of tea — adding an enticing heart-shaped cookie to his haul on his way past — and gave the desk clerk a respectful nod. The time after Meg left the lobby was always the best time to find a comfortable place to sit outside and listen to the birds undisturbed. From the sound of things, he would have even more time than usual. It was going to be an excellent day.

**Author's Note:**

> Seems like all I'm writing these days is fics for Coldest Hits, but hey, I'm cool with it if it lets me update this awesome series. [This month's theme](https://spncoldesthits.tumblr.com/post/189944798425/february-2020-prompt-aroace-pride-posting-dates) asked us to write an asexual and/or aromantic character, and for a bonus, let them have a happy valentine's day, whatever that might mean for them. Despite me being ace, my brain immediately jumped to aro Meg, and from there this fic was born (with a bit of bonus ace Gadreel thrown in at the end, because yes).
> 
> I may or may not try to win this month, but regardless, I want all the comments and kudos. Lemme know what you thought.


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